


You Are Loved (Forever and Always)

by parkersharthook



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Idiot brothers, Insecurity, Suicide Attempt, hook!reader, hook!reader x son of yzma, idiot boys in general, idiot fathers, it's sad yall, son of yzma, sword fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24187111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkersharthook/pseuds/parkersharthook
Summary: Harry made your life a living hell, and it certainly didn't stop when you started dating Zymir, son of Yzma.TW: suicide attempt
Relationships: Evie/Harry Hook, Gil/Uma (Disney: Descendants), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Original Character(s)/Reader
Kudos: 9





	You Are Loved (Forever and Always)

“Hey, ye finally done?” I asked as I walked up to my boyfriend who was working on tying together some rope. He tightened the rope with a hard yank and set it back on the deck.

“Yep, just finished.” He brushed his hands on his pants and stood up, now much taller than me. He put his arm around my shoulders and we began to walk off the main deck. Suddenly Zymir was pulled backwards by the collar of his shirt. He stumbled back and quickly regained his composure to come face to face with the first mate, Harry. My older brother.

“where do ye think yer going?” Harry asked as he folded his arms over his chest.

Zymir tripped over his words, obviously intimidated by the older man. “We were just goin to walk round the market.” I stood behind my boyfriend glaring at my brother.

“no yer not.” Harry smirked. I rolled my eyes at him and stepped forward to face him one on one.

“Harry leave him alone. He did all the stupid busy work ye already assigned for them.” I argued while tapping my foot on the deck, irritated with Harry.

“No, Uma needs a fill in at the shop an’ guess who’s gonna do it?” He peered around my head to stare at Zymir.

I groaned loudly, “why cannae ye do it Har? We have a date.” His eyes flickered to mine for a second before going back to Zymir’s.

His eyes narrowed causing my boyfriend to gulp, “more of a reason for him to do it then, huh? Now scat.” Harry shooed Zymir away and I watched him scurry off the deck and towards the nearby restaurant. I whipped around to face Harry who stood there looking as smug as ever.

“what th’ hell Harry?” I barked in his face causing him to frown at me.

“Ye shoudn’t be with him y/n. He’s bad news!”

I scoffed, “of course he’s bad news, he’s a pirate! so are ye an’ so am I!” Harry just shook his head at me and turned to walk away. But I noticed his calculated movements towards the barrel of swords.

“Anyways y/n/n ye shoulds be trainin’.” In a mere second he had grabbed a sword by its hilt, spun around, and tossed the sword to me. I didn’t even blink as I it by its handle.

“I already trained for hours!” I whined.

Harry’s smirk only grew, “then ye should be prepared for anythin’… like this.” He grabbed at his own sword and was instantly in a fighting stance. I rolled my eyes once again at my dramatic brother and moved to walk away but his sword stopped me.

“Harry.” I warned as I glanced to him annoyed. I once again moved to walk around him but just like before his sword came slicing in front of me, stopping my movements. I growled, “Harry…”

He snickered, “what y/n? Somethin’ wrong?” He loved teasing me, this was obvious. I inhaled a sharp breath and closed my eyes for a moment before trying to walk away one more time.

This time when the sword stopped my movements, my sword was instantly against his. I jumped into my fighting stance as well and suddenly we were off. He didn’t hold back as his sharp blade swiped in all directions. For the most part I was on the defensive side as I blocked each attack and tried to break his footing. I was a good sword fighter but my brother was arguably better. I jumped onto the stairs behind me and was suddenly hunched over fighting downwards as my brother leaned up. You’d think I’d get the upper hand in this position but somehow my brother was in front of me, still matching my hits. He backed me up so I was pressed against the railing that overlooked the main deck.

He used his prize hook and sword to press my back further into the railing before he could grab the hilt from my hand and toss my sword to the deck below. I watched the blade fall and then angrily narrowed my eyes at my brother.

“Ye need to be prepared y/n/n.” He taunted, pointing the tip towards my neck. I noticed his unarmed positioning and quickly spun, bringing my heel up so it connected with his cheek. I heard the grunt come from him as he stumbled backwards. I didn’t waste any time climbing onto the railing and jumping to grab a nearby rope to swing to the deck and pick up my own sword. I looked up to meet my brother’s fiery gaze. He was mad. He jumped down from the upper deck and instantly attacked me again. His swings were stronger and more ferocious. But with my new sense of confidence I easily sparred with him. I even got a few good jabs and managed to land a small cut on his upper arm, though that was by accident.

I ducked out of the way of a high blow and then jumped at a low one so I stepped on his sword. He wiggled it slightly but my heavy boot kept it against the wood. I pointed my sword at him and smirked. I imitated him obnoxiously, “Ye need to be prepared Har.” He growled and swiped my legs out from under me causing me to fall onto my butt. He grabbed his sword and moved to pin me down but I rolled away. I sprung to my feet and blew the loose strands of hair out from my face. We began to circle each other and unsurprisingly Harry was the first to strike again. He lunged surprisingly low and caught a bit of my shirt, successfully ripping it and cutting me on my stomach. I hissed in pain but didn’t stop as I quickly counter attacked. I noticed the regret in his eyes at hurting me but hey, that comes with the job.

We continued to fight for a good minute before Harry was suddenly yanked backwards just as he did to Zymir before. I slowed my movements to a stop as I breathed heavily. There stood Evie who let go of Harry’s wrinkled collar to glare at us.

“You guys are ridiculous. Look at you! Harry, your lip is busted and your arm is cut. Y/n, your leg is bruised and your side is sliced. It’s like you guys don’t know where your pirate lives end and your sibling lives pick up.”

I just shrugged and moved next to Harry, “Eve, ah appreciate yer concern but I’m fine. An’ so is Harry.” I punched his wounded arm causing him to hiss in pain.

He glared towards me with a grimace. “Yeah lass. An’ Y/n here is fine too.” He shoved me slightly causing the skin on my ribcage to stretch. I groaned and shot him a look.

“Try me Harry, ah dare ye.” I growled

“ah thought ah just did… an’ won.” He bit back.

Evie just groaned loudly and rubbed her temples, “Stop it! You guys are both bleeding and are in pain. Why can’t you just stop with the competition and help each other.”

“ah dinnae need help.” We both said in unison causing Evie to chuckle lightly.

“Let’s go to the nursing cabin and I’ll stitch you guys up.” We both reluctantly followed her as she led the way through the ship down to the bottom and to the nursing cabin. The infirmary type room wasn’t much, just a small room with rags, a sink, and a hard wooden table.

Inside, Uma was crouched down rummaging through one of the crates in the corner. Evie knocked slightly so she wouldn’t scare the pirate captain and led us into the room. Uma glanced over at us and shook her head with a laugh. “You two again?”

It was true, me and Harry often got into little fights like this one and one of us always ended up bleeding. I rolled my eyes at my friend and sat down in one of the chairs in the corner. Harry took his seat on the table and Evie went to get the sewing kit from a small basket.

Uma began to walk out with a rag in her hand. She paused to talk to me directly, “I’m leaving because I don’t want to see those two like that.” I groaned and knew exactly what she meant.

“Take me with ye?” I pleaded but Uma just laughed and walked out the door. I glanced back over to my brother and Evie and inwardly groaned. Harry sat slighted skewed so Evie could look at his arm. She was situated between his knees as she carefully pressed a wet cloth around the wound. Harry’s other hand was lazily stroking her outer thigh as he watched her hands in fascination. But I couldn’t even be mad because they were a cute couple and my brother was happy and so was my friend, so it was fine. I just sucked it up and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the wall until it was my turn.

“Well lucky for you Harry, you don’t need stitches.” Evie pinched his chin between her thumb and forefinger causing him to look at her, “This time.”

“Cheers love.” He quickly pecked her lips and went to walk away but Evie just placed a hand on his chest to stop him.

“You still need bandages.” Evie began to wrap a long strip of gauze around his arm tightly before securing it with a tight knot. She gave him one more kiss before shooing him off the table. “Okay Y/n your turn.” I lazily opened my eyes and began to stand up, “That’s a lot of blood.”

I glanced down to my side to notice the growing red stain on my shirt. I just shrugged it off as I took a step forward, suddenly feeling extremely dizzy. I reached out to steady myself on the wall but felt Harry grab ahold of my arm instead. I blinked harshly a few times before pushing off of me and sitting down on the table.

Evie looked at me worriedly, “lay down on your back so I can look at this.” I slowly leaned down on the table and draped an arm across my eyes. Evie lifted my shirt so it was bunch beneath my breasts and began wiping around the blood around the surprisingly deep cut. I convulsed in pain when she made contact with the puckered skin around the wound. “Sorry y/n/n. This is deeper than I originally thought. Harry, can you wash this rag and hand me a fresh wet one.”

“dinnae waste th’ rags.” I groaned knowing our supplies was dwindling as winter came along.

“I’m not wasting them y/n. You’re bleeding and I need to fix this.” Harry handed her the rag and she began holding the pressure against my stomach.

I removed my arm from my face and blinked my eyes open slowly. I saw Harry at the edge of the table looking at me worriedly, slightly chewing on his thumbnail.

“I’m fine.” I groaned impatiently. This was a serious problem of mine, not letting myself be taken care of. I didn’t want any attention on me and I certainly didn’t want others to not have bandages because of me.

“just shut yer gab an’ listen to her.” Harry quipped earning him a quick slap to the arm from Evie.

She turned to me, “But he’s right. Just shut up and listen to me.” I watched as she thread the needle and ran it under the sink a few times to sterilize it the best she could. Suddenly the door opened and in walked Zymir. I noticed Harry visibly tense. “It’s good that you’re here. I need you two to hold her steady while I start.”

I whined again, “I’m fine!”

“Y/n… this is going to hurt a lot and if you don’t want me to miss then just let them keep you steady. Plus, if you don’t move then you proved me wrong.” I reluctantly nodded with a grunt and dropped my head back onto the table. Zymir moved to my head and placed his hands on my shoulders while Harry held my ankles. I felt them both push down on my body so I couldn’t move. “Bite this.” Evie said as she pulled the edge of my shirt up to my mouth. I opened it and let her place the dirty piece of cloth between my teeth. She let out a breath, “You ready? On three. One, two…” And before Evie could get to three the needle pierced my skin. I grunted in pain but stayed relatively still. I felt the string move along my skin. In and out, in and out, in and out. The repetitive motion was a weird sensation that I never quite got used to, especially on the sensitive skin of my stomach. I clenched down hard on the cloth and whimpered ever so slightly when she came to the end and tied the string into a knot. She placed some tape over the long cut to seal it and signaled to the boys to let go of me. I instantly shook out my limbs, trying to get the blood moving. Evie’s eyebrow quirked up, “You okay?”

I flashed her a smile, “ay course.”

Evie nodded hesitantly, “okay try to keep your movement minimal and reduce the amount of contact you have with it. Let it breathe.”

I nodded at her words, “Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to mah room.” I stood up and instantly felt Zymir steady me before I even had the chance to stumble. I mumbled my thanks and let him help me out the door though I could hear Harry fuming behind me.

As the door closed I heard the harsh whisper of Harry’s voice, “ah hate them together.”

Evie sighed, “Just let her be.” Tears stung at the corners of my eyes at my brother’s constant disapproval of my boyfriend. The one that I loved and trusted. He opened the door to his shared cabin with Gil, though Gil rarely stayed there, and led me to his bed. He sat down and carefully pulled me onto his lap.

“Your brother doesn’t like me.” Zymir huffed as he dropped his chin onto my shoulder.

I snorted, “Yeah, no kiddin.” He looked at me pleadingly, “But he dinnae like many folk. In fact, ah dinnae think he likes anyone.”

Zymir shook his head lightly, “No. He likes you, Uma, Gil… Evie obviously. He likes most of the crew and even your dad. I’m the only one he doesn’t like.”

I cupped his head slightly and gave him a kiss, “He’s just protective of me.”

Zymir sighed, “Yeah but it’s weird because he acts all protective and then slices your stomach.”

I frowned, “He dinnae mean too. He was just tryin’ to train with me.”

“I saw some of the 'training’ and it didn’t look like training. It looked more like actual fighting. He doesn’t even go that hard with the crew members that need it.”

I shook my head, trying to convince myself that he loved me. “He just wants me to be able to defend myself.”

“But he knows you can. I’ve heard him say it myself.” Zymir moved me off his lap and ran his hand through his hair, “But I don’t know. Your relationship is weird so what am I to say.” He crawled further onto the bed, “come cuddle. I’m sure you’re tired.” I just nodded blankly, not really listening to what he was saying. My mind was too focused on my brother and what his feelings toward me really were. I mean I know he loves me… right? I mean I saw the worry and guilt in his eyes when Evie was helping me but he also didn’t sound too upset. I absentmindedly crawled under Zymir’s quilt and leaned my head on his chest. I felt his arms carefully pull me closer as he nuzzled into my hair.

I felt his even breathing against my ear and cautiously peaked up to see his eyes closed and mouth slightly gaping, he was out. I smiled at the boy and waited a minute longer before carefully detangling myself from his arms. I slid out from under his covers and left his room silently. I ducked into my room and switched my bloody shirt for a loose top that stopped just above my belly button. I threw my shirt into the sink deciding to deal with it later as I made my way out of my cabin and up onto the main deck. There were few crew members about but none of them questioned me as I waltzed off the ship.

I was hesitant in my steps, nervous about where I wanted my destination to be. I walked for a few miles before hunger began to prick at my stomach. I snagged an apple off of a vendor’s cart and munched on it happily as I made my way to the complete other side of the Isle. On that side was my father’s old worn down ship and his straggly crew. They were all wrinkled and weathered at this point in their life and did nothing more than sit around the ship playing cards and drinking ale.

When Harry lost the ship my father gave him to Uma in a bet our father banished him to the other side of the isle, not wanting to deal with his idiocrasy. I was torn between my brother and father for a few years. However when I visited my brother with a black eye I had gotten from my father one day he quickly swept me up and instantly found me a high ranking position in Uma’s crew.

I smiled at the memory of him but my smile faded as I came to the splintered docks. I still saw my father occasionally and although I don’t think I love him I figured he deserved to see me a least a few times. I walked onto the ship and walked up to a crowd of large bellied men playing cards around a barrel.

“Y/n!” Smee cheered happily. I smiled back, always enjoying the quirky man. “We haven’t seen you in a while.”

I laughed humorlessly, “yuh… I’ve been busy.”

He nodded in understanding and cocked his head towards the cabins, “your father’s in his suite.”

“thank ye.” I excused myself politely and walked to his quarters. I inhaled a sharp breath before knocking on the door.

“Yes?”

I closed my eyes and spoke shakily, “hey dad… its Y/n.”

I waited for his response and let out a breath of relief when he replied, “Come on in.”

I opened the door and saw my father drinking some tea at his large desk, glasses perched on his nose as he read a book. His smile grew at the sight of me and I smiled back. I loved my father, I did. “hello dad.”

“hello y/n. what brings ye here today?”

I shrugged as I took a seat in front of his desk, “just wanted to say hi. Catch up a wee bit.”

He nodded as he sipped his tea and closed his book. His eyes found the gauze at my stomach and his eyebrow quirked up slightly, “does it have to do with that?” He gestured to the cut with his hook. The hook that was weathered and tarnished, but still as threatening as ever.

I shook my head, “no. that was just an incident from trainin’. Me an’ Harry were—”

“Ahhh ye an’ Harry.” I bit my lip at his sharp tone, “Ye two were always quite the fighters. E'en as young bairns.”

I nodded tightly, “Yeah but I was actually hopin’ to—”

“Ye troaps always argued over the most trivial things but he typically won.” I found my fists clenching at his words, “He woulds push ye to the ground an’ pin ye there until ye admitted defeat.” He let out a short laugh, “I always thought that he woulds be a good pirate. Seein’ as th’ way he handled himself at such a young age. He always had that dominatin’ quality.”

My teeth were clenched as I spoke, not that I expected my father to notice that. “ye always believed in Harry didn’t ye?”

He nodded, twirling his greying mustache between his fingers. “ah did. That’s was why I gave th’ Revenger to him. I was hopeful that he woods be a stoatin captain just like his father. His fire, his insanity. He had all th’ good qualities, nothin’ like ye as a bairn. Ye were much more reserved.”

“I’m th’ navigator for our crew.” I defended myself lightly.

“That’s good, ah suppose. But ye micht want to sharpen yer sword fightin’ skills.” He gestured to my cut again, “Somethin’ like that can end a fight real quick. so anyways back to yer brother… how is he doin’?”

I shrugged and picked at my nails, “he’s good.”

“Still datin’ that Evie lassie?” I nodded again and frowned at the disapproving click of his tongue, “He coulds do so much better. Ah mean with his genes he coulds get any lassie on th’ isle! Heck, he coulds get any lassie in Auradon.” His laugh filled my ears and I wanted to cringe. “what about ye?”

I looked up shocked, not expecting for him to ask that. “Me? nay, I’m not datin’ anyone.” I knew that telling him I was dating Zymir would just cause turmoil for our relationship and possible danger for Zymir.

“That’s okay. You’ll find someone. just make sure ye ken how to sweep an’ sew.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Men like that. A submissive hen. You’ll never get a man with how ye act right now.”

“Ye dinnae want me to be a pirate?”

“ah mean ah guess ye coulds but it’s too late to start tryin’ to be one now. It’s just a wee too late to jump onto th’ ship but ah guess ye coulds try. just make sure ye ken those other skills as well… jist in case.”

I nodded angrily and stood up, “ah just remembered ah have to go.”

He frowned slightly but quickly readjusted his face to the indifference I saw before. He picked up his book and began to read again. “Okay, it was nice to see ye.”

I left the room without another word and bounded through my father’s ship, quickly making it to the street. I fumed as I jogged through the markets and returning to Uma’s ship. I quickly found Harry perched at the steps talking to a few crew mates and I grabbed a sword from a nearby barrel.

“Harry!” His head turned towards me, “Let’s go. Ye an’ me.”

He laughed, “Y/n we already trained today. Plus, we all saw how well that went last time. Ye need to rest.” I looked around at the crew members that stood around us.

I smirked at him, “scared of yer younger sister are ye?” I saw him frown and saunter into a standing position. He just shrugged and smiled at me.

“If ye wish, dear sister.” I didn’t give him a chance to be prepared. Once he unsheathed his sword, I immediately bombarding him with ferocious attacks. I swung violently and saw him struggle to stay on the defensive side. The crew gathered around the outskirts of the ship, watching the fierce battle between brother and sister. We continued to fight for a few minutes before Uma appeared between us. She had a sword in each hand, one pointed at me and one pointed at Harry.

“Stop!” Her loud voice silenced everyone as my chest heaved up and down with my ragged breaths. She turned to Harry, “My quarters now!” She whipped around as he began to sulk away, “Take a walk. I’ll talk to you later.” I huffed as I threw my sword to the ground and stomped off the boat and down the beach. I felt the tears sting my ears and drip down my cheeks as I kicked through the sand. There was a large boulder off in the distance and I continued until I got to it. I sat down on the rock, my tears still falling from my eyes.

“Y/n?” I wiped my eyes quickly as I heard my boyfriend’s voice carry through the air. He stopped in front of me and dropped to his knees. He gripped my wrists in his hands and pulled them from my face so I would look him in the eyes. “What’s going through your head?”

I huffed and slouched heavily, “Ah dinnae ken.”

He let go of my wrists and rested his hands on my knees. I felt his thumbs rub comforting circles on my skin, “Why don’t we start at the beginning?” I just nodded, “this morning.”

I felt my anger rising, “Harry interrupted our date an’ made ye work in the chip shop. We haven’t had a date in months coz of him.”

Zymir nodded, “Yes he did. Then he wanted you to train some more and you guys began to spar. How’d that go?”

“Ye saw how that went.” I huffed, “he kept pushin’ me an’ pushin’ me an’ literally chibbed me.”

“He didn’t mean too.” Zymir defended lightly.

“'En ah went to see mah dad efter ye fell asleep an'–”

“Wait, you went to see your dad?” Zymir’s face was covered in worry but I paid no attention to that.

“Yeah but that’s not th’ point. Mah dad couldn’t shut his gab about Harry—”

“Y/n.” He said harshly causing me to snap out of my trance, “You went to see your dad? Alone?”

“Yeah but nothin’ happened.”

“But it could’ve.” He quipped back easily. “You could’ve gotten seriously hurt. You promised me you wouldn’t see him alone. And you had just gotten stitches.”

I rolled my eyes, “Zymir… nothin’ happened.”

“Yeah but it could’ve.” He surprised me as he stood up roughly. He pushed off my legs to pace through the sand. He ran his hand nervously through his hair. “Y/n. I cannot believe you did that.”

I heard him getting angrier which caused me to get defensive, “Ye act like ah cannae handle myself. Nothin’ happened. I’m not a bairn. Ah can protect myself.”

“Even against your father?! You love him, and that’s the problem. You’d let him do anything just because of the fact that he’s your father.”

The tears pricked at my eyes again, “Ah dinnae need to get mah choices approved by ye or anyone else.”

“I just don’t get why you even went there.”

“Coz maybe ah wanted to talk to him. Ye said it yerself, ah love him. He’s mah father! Ah deserve to be able to talk to mah father freely without havin’ ye or Harry puppy guard me.”

“You don’t think about your actions y/n! Everything you do is for yourself!” Zymir yelled. I knew he was just worried about me but the words stung. I refused to let me see that his words actually hurt me. I just stood up and looked at him square in the eye.

“Ye can go fuck yerself Zymir.” My tone was calm which probably scared him the most as I turned to walk back down the beach. He called after me but I didn’t turn around and he knew to not push me any further. I made it to the market and saw Harry sitting on the edge of the dock. He noticed me walking and stood up to approach me but I just quickened my pace and brushed past him. I quickly molded into the crowded streets and ducked into a nearby building so he couldn’t follow me. This was my favorite building on the isle due to its perfect position on the edge of the dock. It was old and worn down but a safe spot for me to think. I expertly climbed the stairs and walked through the familiar house. I stepped out of the window onto the rickety fire escape and scurried to the roof. I breathed in the salty air and exhaled shakily, feeling the tears come again. I sat down on the edge of the building and gazed down at the water below me.

Like I said, this building was directly on the docks and there was only about two feet of dock between the building and the water. I thought of jumping, not to kill myself but to feel the thrill of diving from such a high place. It would be dangerous, if I landed wrong I could easily hurt myself or die. The water was probably freezing as well due to the changing seasons.

I kicked my legs some more, my heels hitting the wall of the building. I thought about what Zymir had said. I whispered to myself, “Everythin’ ye do is for yerself.” Maybe he’s right. I mean, I did break my promise to both Zymir and Harry and Uma by going to talk to my father alone. Harry. I didn’t want to think about my brother right now but I couldn’t help it, he consumed my thoughts.

The fact that he was allowed to be in a loving relationship but I wasn’t. The fact that he could go out on dates but I couldn’t. The fact that he could kiss Evie in front of everyone but god forbid Zymir even put his arm around me. Harry didn’t love me. If he did he would want me to be happy, why couldn’t he just see that Zymir made me happy.

And don’t even get me started on how everyone loved Harry, especially my father. Oh, Harry would be the true pirate in the family and he could barely even read a map. It bothered me that my father couldn’t see my worth, but then again maybe there wasn’t much worth to see.

How could he be proud of me when my own brother didn’t love me and my boyfriend thought I was completely selfish? The tears flowed out of my eyes as the painful realization dawned on me.

I heard commotion down below and peered over to see our ship lit up. Zymir stood on the deck frantically talking to Uma, Harry, and Evie. His arms were waving all over the place and he paced around the deck worriedly. I knew he was talking about me. The sun was setting and I had yet to return to the ship. I continued to watch secretly and saw that Harry was the next to speak up. He pointed all over the isle before throwing his hands up in frustration. I scowled as Evie put a soothing hand on his back.

I let out a huff as I watched them disperse. Zymir went up to the head of the ship to glance around the Isle while Uma and Evie went down the shoreline and Harry strolled down the street. I broke my gaze away from everyone else and focused on my boyfriend down below. He paced throughout the entire ship before sitting down on a barrel near the mast. He bit his thumb and closed his eyes. I could barely see the tears fall down his face.

I don’t know how long I had been watching Zymir before the others came back all with a defeated look on his face. Harry shrugged, causing my blood to boil. I stood up and contemplatively looked at the water below me one more time.

“If I’m gonnae be stuck in a place where everyone hates me, might as well have some fun.” I watched the sun finally dip beyond the horizon and waited for them to leave the deck. I backed up a few spaces and let out a shaky breath before running towards the edge of the building and launching myself off. I held in my squeal of glee as I felt the wind rush by me. I held my breath as I hit the still water.

It hurt more than expected, despite my perfect entry form. My head pounded and I felt the water rip at my stitches. The iciness instantly burned my fingers and toes and the cut on my stomach made it hard to move my arms. I struggled to break the surface, sinking faster than I could swim. I could feel my lungs giving out and my vision was beginning to cloud. I didn’t mean for it to go this way but would it be so bad for it to end? Would they really miss me? Would anyone really miss me?

The questions seemed to make my body heavier as I stopped the fight and let out my breath. Before I could fade away completely though something hit the water next to me and suddenly there were strong arms carrying me to the surface. We broke the surface in a quick moment and I gasped heavily. The person who saved me hoisted me onto the dock before pulling themselves up. I was scared to look at them, worried it was my brother. But as Harry’s boots appeared next to me, my eyes shifted to see a panting Zymir with worry all over his face.

He quickly pulled me into a hug and I felt him relax slightly now that he could feel I was safe. I shivered slightly and he pulled away to hand me his discarded jacket that was dry. I awkwardly shrugged in on before taking his hand to stand up. I cautiously turned to face my brother who stood in front of Evie and Uma.

“what were ye thinkin’?” He yelled at me, getting dangerously close to my face. “going swimmin’ at night when th’ seasons are changin? Did ye want to die?”

I almost nodded, almost. But I kept my head held high as I brushed past him. I discarded the worried looks from the girls and walked onto the ship. I thought I had escaped when someone grabbed my wrist and spun me around. I came face to face with Zymir.

“Why did you jump?” Zymir spoke softly, as if he thought he would scare me away.

“Jump!?” Harry questioned loudly, “Ye jumped? from where?” Zymir didn’t turn around as he pointed to the building. “Y/n! How coulds ye do—”

Zymir whipped around in a flash to face Harry, “Harry, stop! You’ve done enough, let me handle this.” I was surprised to see Zymir stand up to my brother. Harry tried to lunge for the boy but both Evie and Uma quickly pulled him back. Z turned back to me. “Why’d you jump?”

“Ah didn’t jump. Ah was pushed.” It wasn’t a total lie. Something within me had pushed me to the edge. But he didn’t need to know that, he could think it was one of the many enemies we had made.

“You were five feet from the dock, no way a push could get you that far.” He pointed out.

“after ah was pushed, ah had to push myself off th’ roof so ah wouldn’t hit th’ dock.”

“Who was it?” His voice was low but his tone dangerous, revengeful.

“Ah dinnae ken.” That was the truth. What had caused me to take the step, I had no clue.

He closed his eyes and ran a hand over them, “Now is not the time to lie to me.” He reached a hand out to me but I stepped back from him. He retracted his hand as if I just burned him. Uma quickly stepped forward and sheltered me from the judgmental eyes.

“Why don’t we go to my quarters?” She placed a gently on my hand to coax me off the deck. She turned her head to face Evie, “make sure both of these boys go to bed and then come see us.”

I could faintly hear Evie begin to chastise the two boys which almost brought a smile to my face. I quickly found myself in Uma’s quarters. She closed the door and turned to me. “Don’t fucking lie to me y/n.”

Her sudden change in attitude shocked me. I stuttered slightly, “what are ye talkin’ about?”

“No bullshit. I was watching you. I saw you on the edge of that roof. I saw you run and jump… willingly.” I felt tears sting at my eyes. I didn’t know how I would explain this to anyone, let alone my captain. “Now do you want to explain to me what really happened?”

I wanted to shake my head but I knew she would keep pressing til I talked to her. I decided to start off easy, “I saw mah dad.”

She groaned and rubbed the bridge of her nose, “We’ve talked about this y/n.”

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah ah cannae go anywhere without ye, Harry, or Zymir guardin’ me. I’m a strong bodie, ah can handle myself!”

“You really going to play that card after what I saw tonight?” She rose an eyebrow at me, “Did he hurt you?”

I huffed and crossed my arms, taking a seat in the rugged couch off to the side. “No he didnae hurt me, h-he loves me ye ken.” My voice wavered as I spoke the second part and I could barely convince myself.

Uma sighed, “What did he say?”

I waved it off, “Nothin’ important.”

“So if it’s nothing that your dad said then what made you jump?”

“I’m not suicidal.” I retorted quickly which caused Uma to look at me in disbelief.

“You’re telling me that you jumped off the highest building on the isle for fun?”

I grimaced at the sound of it, “well…”

She was getting angry, “Then why did you not swim to the top? Then why did you lie to Zymir? Then why are you lying to me right now? What made you give up?!” Her eyes were filling with tears as her voice got louder.

I began to panic. My brain was being clouded with emotions and feelings. The room started to swirl. I had to get out here. I couldn’t stay. I can’t stay anywhere. I need to go. I need to run. Keep moving, don’t stop. Where to go? Nowhere to go. Have to go. Can’t stay. Gotta leave. Keep moving. I need to keep moving. Why aren’t I going anywhere? I’m trapped. My brain doesn’t work, my feet don’t work. I need to leave. I can’t stay. Push past them. Leave. They don’t love me. Leave. No one wants me here. Leave. I need to leave.

I felt gentle hands on my back and another pair pull me into a hug as two separate voices tried to calm me down, “just breathe y/n. Just breathe. In and out. In and out.” I listened to Evie’s instructions and slowly my breathing began to slow down and level out. “That’s it. Keep going. In and out, in and out.”

I felt my head clear and finally found myself in Evie’s arms with Uma looking on worried. I wiped my eyes and distanced myself from them, embarrassed. Despite me wiping my tears I continued to cry, “Aam sorry.” My words came out in choked sobs, “Ah cannae do this anymore.” I collapsed back onto the couch and dropped my face into my hands.

Evie sat next to me, “just let it out. We can’t help you if you don’t talk to us.”

I took a slow breathe but the tears continued to stream down my cheeks, “why am ah so unlovable?”

Uma’s jaw slackened as she and Evie shared worried glances, “Y/n…”

“Mah own family doesn’t love me.” I sobbed again.

“Hey!” Evie’s fingers lifted my chin so I looked at her, “Your brother loves you so much. And although your father may not show it properly he loves you to. I promise.”

I shook my head and stood up, beginning to pace around the room. “no they dinnae. Harry doesn’t think ah can do anythin’ right an’ he treats me like crap. He doesn’t want me to be happy, he wants me to suffer. He ne’er lets me do anythin’ that makes me happy, that’s not what a brother does!”

“He’s just protective. He doesn’t want you dating Zymir because he doesn’t want you to get hurt. Y/n I swear he loves you.” Uma explained gently, “Everything he does for you is out of love. Although his actions may seem harsh, he doesn’t mean to cause you any harm.”

“Yeah… all that time training probably caused him to lose a few too many brain cells.” It was a lame joke but it caused me to chuckle slightly.

“What did your dad say?” Uma asked again.

“He didn’t shut his gab about Harry. It didn’t matter what ah told him, it’s just Harry this an’ Harry that. ah was ne'er meant to be a pirate an’ he made it damn clear that ah willnae amount to anythin’. Ah shoulds just fin’ a man that will do everythin’ for me because apparently that’s what men want. He didn’t care that ah read maps an’ help navigate. He just wanted me to learn how to sweep an’ sew.”

Evie groaned, “Your dad has no idea what he’s talking about. Take it from someone whose mother tried to teach me the same things. It’s better to be a smart and powerful girl. Your dad is an idiot and I can promise you that Zymir loves how strong you are.”

“Nah he doesn’t. He doesn’t love me either.”

Uma snorted, “Are you kidding? He’s head over heels for you. What made you say that?”

“ye dinnae think about anyone but yerself” I repeated his words softly.

“He said that to you?” Uma’s eyes narrowed. I nodded, “I’ll be right back.” Her words were harsh as she stormed out of the room before either me or Evie could stop her.

“She’s gonna kill him, isn’t she?”

“Probably Harry too.” Evie lightly chuckled.

I shook my head, “ah should’ve ne'er told ye guys.”

“I’m glad you did. But I have a feeling this has been going on for a while. You’re not one to jump to conclusions, literally and figuratively.”

I nodded my head and looked at my fidgeting fingers, “no. I’ve been dealin’ with it for a while.”

“Come talk to me next time okay? I’m here for you. Me and Uma and Gil and the rest of the crew… we’re your family too. And you’re stuck with us whether you like it or not.”

I smiled, “Thanks Evie. Can ah ask ye a question?” She nodded, “how did ye ken what to do when ah had a panic attack?”

Evie frowned and then leveled me a sympathetic smile, “Carlos used to suffer from panic attacks all the time when he was still here. Me and Jay were the only ones that could calm him down.”

I saw the sadness in her eyes, “do ye miss them?”

She nodded, “I do. They were my friends. But I’m happy I’m here. I love Harry and I love this crew. I just hope that we will all get off this Isle soon enough.” She pulled me in for another hug as we moved out of the room.

“Thank ye Evie.”

“Anytime.” She responded without missing a beat. We heard the yells of Uma from down the hallway and had to keep our laughter at bay. Those poor boys were probably close to pissing their pants. “Why don’t we get you stitched up again?”

I completely forgot about my reopened wound and after acknowledging it I felt the pain hit me again, “that’d probably be a good idea.”

She walked with me to the infirmary and quickly stitched me up before escorting me to my bedroom. We talked for a little longer before Harry stopped by. He barely looked at me, obviously ashamed about whatever Uma said to him. He just gave a quick sorry and went on his way.

“I should probably go with him.” Evie said and I nodded with a small chuckle, “Hey y/n? Please don’t give up again, I swear you’re worth it.” She almost made tears come to my eyes again. We hugged before she was on her way and I decided to finally put on some warmer clothes. I quickly changed and pulled my wild hair into a bun when I heard a knock at the door.

“Can I come in?” Zymir’s voice was soft, almost scared.

“Yeah come on in.” I said, turning to face the door as it slowly creaked open. He stepped inside and softly shut the door behind him. I saw his puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks and realized just how much I hurt him.

“I’m sorry.”

I quickly jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly, “no. I’m sorry. ah was bein’ irrational.”

He shook his head as he hugged me back just as tight, “No. I should’ve never said that to you and I’m sorry for ever making you feel bad. I promise I’ll be better.”

“Me too.” I responded earnestly. I was ready to change for the better.

“I love you.” My heart soared at the words that had yet to be uttered by him, “Y/n. I love you so much and I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you.”

“Ah love ye too Zymir an’ ah promise that ah will ne'er do that again.”

“Good because now you’re stuck with me.”

“Ah wouldn’t want it any other way.” I pulled back and kissed him lovingly. I am loved.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment and a kudos :))
> 
> requests are open
> 
> tumblr: parkersharthook


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